Joyful Families Assume the Best Of Each Other
If you didn’t notice, today is election day. As if the thousands of political mailers that you’ve recycled in the past few months weren’t enough of a hint! While it can be easy to get sucked into social media debates (I’m looking at you, Facebook), today also offers a great chance to sit back and reflect on joy - something that can be in short supply during election years. I think this is even more true when it comes to finding joy within our families - especially if our ballots look different than theirs did.
It’s okay (and healthy! and good!) to disagree with someone. But it’s not okay to throw joy to the wayside and get into the all out fist fights that ensue when we disagree with someone these days.
So how do we do it? How do we find joy in our families, and spread that joy into our relationships with friends, neighbors, co-workers, and Facebook friends?
It can seem like only perfect families have this joy thing down. But joyful families aren’t perfect. Instead, they assume the best of each other. Here are a few ways to assume the best of your family, those you love, and total strangers today and all year round!
Rewrite the story you tell yourself
Whether it’s leaving the toothpaste glob in the sink, posting something on social media that we can take the wrong way, or not filling up the tank with gas after a drive, it’s easy to assume the worst of the other, especially in the case of our spouses and kids. I’ll be the first to admit that the immediate story I tell myself when I see that big glob of toothpaste is usually a story that is very flattering to the person whose spit I’m staring at.
But as we strive to become a family that is joyful, I’ve been working on rewriting that first story I tell myself. Instead of assuming that toothpaste is in the sink because Joseph just wants to make a little more work for me that day, I assume that he was in a rush to get to a big meeting at work and cleaning out the sink totally slipped his mind. Instead of assuming that the Facebook post I’m reading was meant to dig at me in a passive-aggressive way, I remind myself of something that I love about the person who shared it on their page.
A podcast I listened to at the beginning of the year encouraged listeners to operate out of a place of maximum generosity. I loved that reminder, because it’s so central to our lives as Christians. Christ operates out of maximum generosity in His love of us, and He asks us to love others as He loves them. Being filled with joy is about being Christ-like, and that starts with being grateful for the incredible generosity that He has shown us in our own lives. It’s a lot harder to be stingy when you’re reflecting on the fact that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Learn from the saints
There are many married saints and saints who lived with their families, but the saint who has actually taught me the most about assuming the best of others is Saint Therese the Little Flower.
Therese entered the Carmelite monastery at the age of fifteen and wrote about her desire to grow in virtue through her little way. I came across something she wrote in a recent reflection and I think it perfectly sums up what it means to assume the best of others out of charity and operate out of a place of joy:
“When I want to increase in myself my love of neighbor, especially when the devil tries to put before the eyes of my soul the faults of this or that sister who is less appealing to me, I hasten to seek out her virtues, her good desires. I tell myself that if I have seen her fall one time, she may well have undergone a great many victories that she hides through humility, and that even what appears as a fault to me could very well be an act of virtue because of the intention. I understand now that perfect charity consists in enduring the faults of others, of not being at all astonished at their weaknesses, of being edified by the smallest act of virtue which one sees them practice.”
The next time you’re struggling with joy in your relationship with your spouse, your family, or your friends, remember to seek out their virtues. Assume the best of them. And love them as Christ loves them.
What are some practical ways that you can begin assuming the best of those you love today?
This blog is in partnership with the Office for Marriage and Family Life in the Archdiocese of Kansas City in Kansas. Explore their website for more information about the work they do and Joyful Marriage Project.