5 Tips for Making Friends as a New Mom
Are you a brand new mom battling feelings of isolation and loneliness? Wondering how to make friends in this new season of life and motherhood?
Sister, I’m right there with you. I’m totally writing this blog post to myself right now. So I’m glad I’m not the only one and you’re here reading along, too.
If you’ve been looking for some encouragement when it comes to forming those new friendships with other moms in your area, here are five quick tips. Remember, I’m no expert at this. If anything, I’m in the boat beside you. So let’s dig in here together and grow in community.
1. Join a moms group
A local moms group at my parish is saying a digital Rosary together. It doesn’t get easier than that - I don’t even have to get off of my couch or out of my sweats to join in. Whether it’s a mom’s book club (I’m in one of those right now on Instagram and it’s amazing) or a group of moms who get together for daily Mass and let their kids loose on the playground afterward (once play ground are legal again), find your group and show up. Yes, it’ll be awkward at the beginning. Believe me, I’m the introvert, remember? It’s even more awkward for me. If I can do it, so can you.
But remember, once groups start meeting again in person, make a point to go to some events. I’m writing that line mostly for my own sake.
Don’t have any groups to join? Make plans to get one going once we’re no longer in a state of pandemic emergency. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy - once this is all over, I’m going to be so excited to see someone in person that you’d just have to name the place and the time and I’m there.
2. Log online, then get make plans to get offline
When I was in the online dating world as a single Catholic woman, I would call it “online meeting,” not “online dating”. Your relationship with other people isn’t meant to be through a screen. And as great as technology is, it’s not a replacement for in person connection. We all know this at this point, I think. We’ve been in 1,456 too many Zoom calls already this week and we know it’s not a replacement for face to face friendship.
This isn’t to say online communities are a bad thing. Many of the women who I call friends I met through Instagram - I’m not kidding, it’s my social media app of choice. But the best thing is when we meet in person and get to sit down over a cup of coffee and get to know each other without a few screens between us. So whether it’s a local mom you follow on Instagram or someone in your city who you hang out with over on Twitter, suggest a place to meet up IRL once places start opening up again.
Many digital communities are geared towards this exact friendship philosophy. One of my favorite features of the FemCatholic In Action Together (FIAT) digital community that Samantha Povlock and I just talked about on an episode of Letters to Women is that it’s created to get you connected offline. Become a member of that Facebook group for local moms, then invite a few of them out to coffee on a Saturday morning. Join a Blessed is She regional group, then make plans to host a brunch and get to know the women in your area.
3. Host a play date
If you’re a brand new mom with a tiny baby, the idea of hosting a play date with another new mom and her tiny baby might seem laughable. Let’s be honest, play dates with babies mostly consist of staring at them roll around on the ground (and into each other). But the real purpose of those play dates when your kids are that little is that you get to chat with an adult who can actually respond to you in coherent sentences. It’s glorious.
Whether you’re just starting out as a mom or your kids are older, invite a mom and her littles your way. Get it on the calendars now, while there is nothing else to do, and look forward to seeing someone in person post COVID-19. Grab some fruit snacks, do not clean your house top to bottom. Just open the door and exist together.
Jennie, a dear friend of mine here in Kansas City, taught me the only thing you really need to invite someone into your home is toilet paper and hospitality. You can do it! Other moms are coming to see you, not critique you for how long it’s been since you swept those crusty scrambled eggs off the dining room floor (it’s been two weeks if you’re wondering about my dining room floor).
4. Get to know your neighbors
I have so many fond memories of growing up next to neighbors with kids who were my age. We’d run back and forth between each other’s yards, giving all our moms a much needed silent afternoon where they could hear their own thoughts again.
Depending on your schooling choices, your neighbors are the kids your own kid may be going to school with at some point. They’re also physically close, which let me tell you, after wrestling a one year old into a car seat to get anywhere, is something I didn’t know I’d appreciate until now.
So the next time you pull into your drive way and see your neighbors out playing in their yard, walk up, stay six feet way from each other, and say hello. Introduce yourself.
5. Go out of your comfort zone and say hello
Okay, this tip is much more applicable for situations when we’re not in a world pandemic. But maybe this is one to just file away for a few months down the road.
The mom you see at church on the weekend with kids around your age? Stop after Mass and say hello to her and ask her week was.
The other mom who is wrangling her children in the kid’s area of the library? Say hello and compliment her on her toddler wrestling skills. Ask her for tips on how to keep an eye on your baby as she wander into the mystery books.
The mom who is beside you at the swing set, digging playground rubber out of her kid’s mouth? Laugh with her about how kids eat this stuff better than any vegetable you’ve ever fed them and ask when she’s coming back to the playground next time.
Remember, you two already have something in common - you’re both moms. You’re both raising littles and probably are hungry for some company along the way. So say something about how you both have the same type of stroller (seriously, someone in Aldi usually stops me in the aisle with this one) and strike up a conversation.